She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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