this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
