this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
false alarm, still single
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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