They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
