I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
