Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
