Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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