i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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