his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
