That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
