I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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