She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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