i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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