when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize