Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
