I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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