Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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