shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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