we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
