just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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