You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Still dying that you shit outside
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
