had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
