dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
