If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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