This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
