that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
