so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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