So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
