I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
