now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
