She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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