i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
