There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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