Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
