who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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