Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
