Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
