1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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