so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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