No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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