I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
