How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
