I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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