I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
