I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
