420 ftw
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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