Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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