margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This is not my ceiling
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
