You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize