my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
