farters have to be the big spoon...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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