Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
