I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We are two peas in an std pod
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
