The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
