can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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