I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You made out with two different species that night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
