She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
