I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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