Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
