I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
