All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i think my cat just said my name.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
