sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
