are you still at the devil's house?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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