what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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