Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize