Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
