she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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