I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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