The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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