I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bring money and cleavage
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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