Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
