You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
