If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
